I can't manage carrying my 10kg boofer, a bag and wrangling the toddler. So I ALWAYS have the baby in the pram. I leave the pram on the sidewalk, strap toddler in, then baby and then put pram in boot. By this stage I'm cursing under my breath
I'm sure I did it both ways at various times, but I put the baby in first most times. So just asked the toddler to wait at the side/end of the car or on the footpath (depending where we were) and put the baby in first.
If you're toddler won't stand on the side then I'd definitely put her in first. Ask her to sit in her car seat and put her harness on while you put the baby in. She will probably like the responsibility of being a big girl and being able to help you with her car seat.
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